dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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