I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
