Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
