i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
