Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
