Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
