Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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