Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Found the puke drawer
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
