thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
