walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
