yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
