Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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