we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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