I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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