I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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