I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
