Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
