i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
