she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
