he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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