who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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