Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
