im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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