He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
