You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
