Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
