I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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