dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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