Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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