the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
