He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
