I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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