I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
