I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
