**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
