my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
