First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
