im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
