i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
