Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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