She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
