I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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