He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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