You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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