At least make sure they are 18
Why
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm bleeding and have questions
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
