Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
one two three fourrrrnication!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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