I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
