I just saw a hot homeless man
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
