Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
