I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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