Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
