connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just gift wrapped bread.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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