your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
